Aftermath. Prelude.

Sitting here, thinking... Wondering what could possibly make my life complete?

There's an unfilled space somewhere in my mind and just recently I've realized what it was. I need someone. Someone who can understand how I feel, a person I can talk closely to and not feel nervous about it. I need someone who would accept me for who I am and spend time with me day after day. There are so many adventures awaiting in the future, so many mountains to climb and I don't want to be alone.

Alone... but for how long? It's a question that's been driving me mad these past few weeks. Seeing everyone settled with a partner makes me jealous, or is it sadness? Whatever it is it has gotten a hold of me. Enveloping me in it's thick vines and squeezing. But just recently the thorns have begun to appear, digging into my skin. It hasn't really bothered me until an event happened in the beginning of December, I won't elaborate though. It is a little embarrassing to talk about so it will stay locked up until I become a little happier about my life.

This post is a little different from the rest but I am merely expressing my thoughts and feelings at the very moment of me typing this out. I'm not going to do anything that will worry my friends, I just need to be a little more open so I can show girls who I really am. I'm almost positive it would yield some sort of result.

I was in Zellers today, checking out some toys I was buying for my little cousin's Christmas present. My sister's boyfriend was with me as she was in the bathroom, I made a few jokes to him as I walked through and arrived to the girl who was standing there ready to help me. I made a few more jokes and smiled, she smiled back, laughed a bit and seemed slightly interested in me. She looked a little clumsy as she handled my things. It's way too easy to spot a girl who is in that state.

In Bluenotes. A girl stood at the cash, again ready to do her job and help me out. She informed me that I could get a discount if I bought another sweater with the one I had already placed on the counter. I agreed to this deal since I'm lacking a few nice clothes and head over to the sweater table for another one. As I grabbed one, I turned around and she was standing there with a smile asking me if it was the right size and to try it on. I do, she stares at me a few and says it looks good. When I get to the counter, she has this nice smile on her face as I finish typing my info on the debit card number pad. Keeping my cool I finish the order, tell her to have an awesome night and walk away with a grin. I could feel a hard stare on my back and proceeded to finish up in the mall.

It's experiences like these that really get me. The brief moment I spend with these lovely ladies is hardly enough to ask for a number or create conversations. I would feel wrong getting any personal information off of them when we've only known each other for less than two minutes, the struggle lies here. It also seems I can only really meet girls when they are working, for a bizarre reason I feel much more comfortable when the girl is behind a counter ready to serve me, or walking around answering my questions. Is it because I can easily make comments or conversation? Because they always look the nicest when they are forced to smile to their customers? It's something I've known about myself for a bit but I can't quite figure it out.

The next year will be an interesting one for me. What adventures await? What girl out there is waiting for me to talk to her? To get to know her a little more? I can only find out as the year unfolds. I do realize however that the next year is completely in my hands, a ball of clay which rests there, ready to become the shape that I mold it into.